Life Is Hard—And That’s the Reality
There are moments in life when the weight of it all feels unbearable. I’ve had my fair share—losing loved ones, divorce, parenting neurodiverse children, financial and health crises. Each time, I’ve been faced with the same question: Which hard am I going to choose?
It’s never an easy decision. In the moment, the discomfort feels unmanageable, overwhelming, even hopeless. My instinct is always to choose the path that feels easier—the one that lets me avoid, numb, or ignore the problem. But when I sit back and look at the bigger picture, I know that the hard I avoid today often becomes the harder I have to face later.
I’ll never forget what my aunt told me during my divorce nearly two decades ago:
“You can either deal with the heartbreak, stress, and difficulty now, or you can bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is happening. But at some point, you’re going to have to lift your head and breathe again—and by then, life might be even more complicated than it is today.”
That wisdom has guided me through every major challenge since. Which hard am I going to pick?
Avoidance Has Its Own Cost
We often talk about hard choices as if one option is difficult and the other is easy. But that’s not reality. The truth is, both choices are hard—the question is, which hard serves you best?
• Avoiding therapy is hard. Carrying unprocessed trauma is hard.
• Eating nutritious food is hard. Dealing with chronic fatigue and inflammation is hard.
• Working on your marriage is hard. Divorce is hard.
• Setting boundaries is hard. Living with resentment is hard.
• Facing your emotions is hard. Suppressing them is hard.
There’s no escaping difficulty. The key is to choose the hard that leads to healing, growth, and long-term well-being instead of the hard that keeps you stuck.
Picking Your Hard in Marriage & Relationships
No one walks into a relationship expecting it to be easy, but I don’t think most of us are truly prepared for just how hard it can be. Whether it’s a marriage, a long-term partnership, or even co-parenting after divorce, relationships take work.
The hard of communication vs. the hard of disconnection – It’s uncomfortable to have honest conversations, but avoiding them builds resentment and distance.
The hard of repairing vs. the hard of regret – Every relationship hits rough patches. Facing them head-on takes effort, but pretending they don’t exist can lead to a painful end.
The hard of growth vs. the hard of stagnation – Being vulnerable and evolving together is challenging. But choosing not to grow often means growing apart.
No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, there is always a hard to pick. The question is, which one leads to a future you can live with?
Picking Your Hard in Mental Health
Therapy is hard. There’s no way around it. Sitting with painful emotions, unraveling past wounds, and facing parts of yourself that you’d rather ignore—it’s all hard.
But so is living with untreated anxiety. So is carrying depression alone. So is staying in a cycle of emotional burnout.
Many people resist therapy because they’re afraid of what they’ll uncover. But healing doesn’t create pain—it reveals the pain that’s already there. The difference is, therapy gives you the tools to process it instead of letting it control your life.
So, which hard will you pick? The temporary discomfort of working through emotions, or the long-term burden of suppressing them?
Picking Your Hard in Nutrition & Lifestyle Choices
Making changes to your diet, movement, and overall well-being can feel like an uphill battle. But chronic illness, low energy, and brain fog are just as hard—if not harder.
The hard of meal planning vs. the hard of health crashes – Taking time to nourish your body is inconvenient, but so is dealing with blood sugar crashes and inflammatory flare-ups.
The hard of moving your body vs. the hard of chronic pain – Exercise takes effort, but so does living with joint pain, stiffness, and fatigue.
The hard of prioritizing sleep vs. the hard of exhaustion – Setting boundaries around rest isn’t easy, but neither is running on empty.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about recognizing that every choice comes with difficulty—so why not choose the one that benefits your future self?
Picking Your Hard in Your Own Growth & Healing
Growth isn’t just about therapy, marriage, or lifestyle—it’s about how we show up for ourselves in every area of life.
Healing requires change, and change is uncomfortable. It’s hard to unlearn toxic patterns. It’s hard to break cycles. It’s hard to step into the unknown. But staying the same is hard too.
The discomfort of healing is temporary. The discomfort of staying stuck lasts a lifetime.
The Importance of a Strong Support System
No one is meant to do hard things alone. Having the right support system can make all the difference when facing life’s challenges.
• Therapists, coaches, and mentors can help guide you through mental and emotional struggles.
• Friends and family can remind you that you’re not alone.
• Communities—online or in-person—can offer encouragement and accountability.
• Systems and routines can help take some of the mental load off your shoulders.
Facing hardship doesn’t mean you have to white-knuckle your way through it. Support can turn a seemingly impossible challenge into something manageable.
The Hard of Today or the Hard of Tomorrow?
There’s no easy way through life. Every choice comes with discomfort—but not every discomfort is created equal.
When I reflect on my own life, I see a pattern. The moments I’ve chosen the hard that serves my future—whether in marriage, parenting, health, or healing—are the moments I’ve been most grateful for. Even when they felt impossible in the moment.
So if you’re facing a difficult decision, I’ll ask you what I always ask myself:
Which hard are you going to pick?
Reflection & Resources
Journaling & Reflection Questions:
What areas of my life feel “hard” right now?
Am I choosing the hard that helps me grow, or the hard that keeps me stuck?
What’s one small shift I can make today to choose the hard that serves me?
Who in my life supports me when I’m facing difficult choices?
What systems or routines could make my chosen hard more manageable?
Further Reading & Listening:
The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest – A book about self-sabotage and how to break free from it.
Atomic Habits by James Clear – How small choices can create big, lasting changes.
We Can Do Hard Things (Podcast by Glennon Doyle) – Conversations about resilience, healing, and making tough choices.
The Mindset Mentor (Podcast by Rob Dial) – Short, motivational episodes on shifting your perspective and overcoming challenges.
Yvette is a psychotherapist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), and Certified Mental Health and Nutrition Clinical Specialist (CMNCS) who takes a holistic, neuroscience-based approach to mental health. She believes in empowering individuals to understand their emotions, behaviors, and well-being through a combination of psychology, nutrition, and sustainable health habits. Through her counseling practice, Traveling Light Counseling, she provides concierge mental health services for neurodiverse individuals, couples, and those seeking emotional growth. Looking for more support? Learn more at Traveling Light Counseling.