Navigating social events can be challenging for anyone, but for those of us who are neurodiverse, the stakes can feel even higher. Whether it's a family gathering, a work function, or any event where you don't feel welcomed or liked, attending can feel like a necessary evil. Having been in my fair share of difficult events here’s some tips on how to approach these situations with the right mindset and strategies to protect your mental health.
Before the Event: Prep Work (I can't stress this enough. This is a big one.)
Understand Your Needs: Know what triggers your anxiety or discomfort. Whether it's sensory overload, social dynamics, or specific individuals, identifying your stressors is the first step to managing them.
Set Clear Boundaries: Decide in advance what your boundaries are. These could include how long you will stay, who you will engage with, and what topics are off-limits. Communicate these boundaries to a trusted person who can help support you during the event.
Create an Exit Plan: Knowing you have an exit strategy can significantly reduce anxiety. Plan a way to leave gracefully if things become overwhelming. This could be as simple as having a pre-arranged signal with a friend or a polite excuse ready. Also, think of a code word to use with your friend/family.
Self-Care Rituals: Engage in self-care activities before the event. This could be anything from meditation, exercise, listening to music, or spending time with your dog, Bella. Grounding yourself can help you approach the event from a place of calm.
During the Event: Maintaining Boundaries and Self-Care
Stay Grounded: Use grounding techniques to stay present and calm. Deep breathing, carrying a small, comforting object, or focusing on your senses can help keep you centered. Honestly, it would be best for you to have a bag of tricks with this one. The thing with grounding is that it's not an one-size-fits every occasion sort of thing. Hence the reason it would be wise to have a bag of tricks you can pull from depending on what's happening in the space. You will have your go to grounding techniques no matter the situation but there will be others that will work and not work in certain situations. Practice makes perfect.
Seek Safe Spaces: Identify a quiet room or area where you can retreat if you need a break. Even a bathroom stall can be a temporary sanctuary to collect your thoughts. I even like to take a walk for a couple of minutes just to separate myself from all the social demands.
Use Assertive Communication: Practice saying no politely but firmly. If someone tries to push your boundaries, remember it’s okay to prioritize your well-being over their expectations.
Engage Selectively: Focus on interacting with individuals who are supportive and understanding. Avoid those who drain your energy or make you feel unwelcome. It’s perfectly fine to limit your interactions to a select few.
After the Event: Decompress and Reflect
Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that attending the event was a significant achievement. Be kind to yourself and recognize the effort it took to go through with it.
Debrief with a Trusted Person: Talk about your experience with someone who understands and supports you. This can help process any lingering emotions and validate your feelings.
Engage in Self-Care: Do something relaxing and enjoyable to decompress. This could be a long bath, a favorite hobby, spend time with your pets or anything that fills you up.
Reflect on What Worked: Consider what strategies were effective and what could be improved for next time. Reflecting on this can help you feel more prepared and confident for future events.
Reset Your Routine: Get back into your regular routine as soon as possible. Familiar activities can be comforting and help you regain a sense of normalcy.
Addressing Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) and Demand Avoidance
You’ve already done incredible work by preparing for and navigating these challenging social events. Acknowledging the effort it takes to manage your needs and set boundaries is crucial.
Be proud of the steps you’ve taken so far.
For those of us who deal with Demand Avoidance, social events can be particularly taxing due to the expectation to engage socially, participate in the event in a neurotypical way, and play the roles others expect of us.
Recognize RSD Triggers: Be aware of situations that might trigger feelings of rejection. Remind yourself that not every action or word from others is a personal slight. Practice reframing negative thoughts and giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Plan for Social Demand Avoidance: If social demands cause stress, plan ways to manage them. Break social interactions into smaller, manageable parts, and set mini-goals. For example, aim to engage in one meaningful conversation rather than feeling pressured to socialize with everyone.
Self-Soothing Techniques: Develop a toolkit of self-soothing techniques similar to what I was speaking about with regards to grounding techniques, such as deep breathing, visualization, or listening to calming music. These can help you stay calm in the face of overwhelming social demands or feelings of rejection. Also, remember a self-soothing tool could be your Loops earbuds.
Communicate Your Needs: It’s okay to let others know if you need a break or if you prefer to engage in a different way. For example, you might say, “I need to step outside for a moment,” or “I’m more comfortable observing than actively participating.”
Seek Support: Have a trusted friend or family member who understands your RSD and Demand Avoidance. They can provide reassurance and help you navigate social interactions more smoothly.
Post-Event Reflection: After the event, take time to reflect on your experiences. Acknowledge any feelings of rejection or stress, but also recognize your successes in managing these challenges.
For Those Who Process Life Through Faith
If your faith is a central part of your life, filtering difficult events through your spiritual beliefs can provide an additional layer of support and comfort. Before the event, spend time in prayer, and worship, asking for guidance, strength, and patience, trusting that you will be given the resilience needed to handle the situation. Draw strength from your faith’s teachings, finding solace in scriptures, the words of your spiritual leaders, or the example of faith figures who faced adversity. During the event, recite a calming mantra, prayer, or verse silently to yourself to keep you anchored and remind you of your faith’s presence ( you can even hum your favorite worship song/hymn). If possible, attend the event with someone from your faith community who understands and supports you, as their presence can be a source of comfort and strength. After the event, engage in spiritual practices that bring you peace and healing, such as prayer, reading sacred texts, or attending a service. Reflect on how your faith helped you navigate the event and find gratitude for the support it provided.
Final Thoughts
Navigating difficult events as a neurodiverse person requires a lot of energy and preparation, but it’s entirely possible with the right strategies. Remember, your mental and emotional well-being is paramount. Setting boundaries, preparing thoroughly, and practicing self-care before, during, and after the event can make a significant difference. If you process life through faith, let it be your anchor and guide, providing an extra layer of support and resilience. Acknowledging the impact of RSD and Demand Avoidance, and developing strategies to manage these dynamics, can further empower you to handle challenging social situations. You're not alone in this, and with each challenging event, you’re building resilience and finding new ways to honor your unique needs.
Additional Support and Insights
For additional support and insights, consider tuning into podcasts that delve into these themes, offering practical advice and shared experiences from others who understand your journey.
The Neurodivergent Woman
Episode 22: Understanding Rejection Sensitivity – Explores the concept of Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) and offers strategies for managing it in social situations.
Episode 35: Navigating Social Events with Demand Avoidance– Discusses how to handle social events when you experience demand avoidance.
ADHD Experts Podcast
Episode 359: Managing Rejection Sensitivity and Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD – Focuses on practical tips for dealing with RSD.
Episode 272: Strategies for Navigating Social Anxiety and ADHD – Provides strategies specifically for managing social anxiety in various settings.
The Boundaries.me Podcast
Episode 12: How to Set Boundaries with Family – Provides strategies for setting boundaries with family members during gatherings and events.
Episode 28: Boundaries and Self-Care in Social Situations – Discusses the importance of self-care and boundaries in social settings.
Neurodiverse Love
Episode 15: Managing Social Expectations in Neurodiverse Relationships – Focuses on handling social expectations and pressures in relationships.
Episode 30: Demand Avoidance in Social Interactions – Explores how to navigate demand avoidance during social interactions.
Journal Prompt:
Reflecting on the strategies discussed in this blog post, think about an upcoming social event that you find challenging. How can you apply the concepts of setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and using faith-based support to navigate this event? Specifically, what are your key triggers, and what steps can you take before, during, and after the event to manage Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) and Demand Avoidance? Write down your thoughts and create a personalized plan for this event, including any grounding techniques, exit strategies, and support systems you can rely on.
As an AuDHD professional, as well as a counselor and writer, I navigate the intricacies of neurodiversity firsthand, championing diverse perspectives. In counseling, I foster a safe, inclusive environment that celebrates neurodiversity. Through my writing, I aim to enhance understanding and appreciation for the complexity of human cognition. By advocating for the rights and strengths of neurodivergent individuals, I am dedicated to fostering a world that embraces diverse experiences.